he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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