it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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