I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
