today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize