11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
