you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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