I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
