am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
