Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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