i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
