I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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