I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
