I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it hurts more in the daytime
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
