Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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