He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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