FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
