im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
