smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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