I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
