my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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