i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
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LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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