Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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