why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
