I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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