Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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