guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
