Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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