College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
