What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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