If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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