Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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