I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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