maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
