dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
