Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
