is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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