Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
