Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
