i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
