But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
