my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
