Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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