im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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