Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
