I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
