remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize