haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
