i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
