Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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