You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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