your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
