Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
