Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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