Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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