I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
