You smell like stripper and shame
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
