Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
