This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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