YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
