Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
