Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
