i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
