And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
