I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
