the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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