You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
