Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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