Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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