my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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