One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
