Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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