took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
