I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
