I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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