Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize